Day 8 – Jeff Goldblum can have my Baby

Yesterday, I was watching Independence Day for like the trillionth time.  When Jeff Goldblum swaggered sexily out of the alien’s ship after kicking ass, I told my sister, who had innocently wandered in, “That’s the money shot.  Jeff Goldblum can have my baby.”  Jeff Goldblum – circa Jurassic Park and Independence Day, but NOT, not, not The Fly – can totally have my baby.  I mean, like, if Jeff Goldblum showed up at my doorstep and offered me his penis – circa Jurassic Park and Independence Day, but NOT, not, not The Fly – I’d take it.  And like I don’t mean he’d have to offer his penis to my 13 year old self, because that would be all pedo-bear.  He can very well offer it to myself now, the 34 year old self.

–Statistics–

Workouts

Swimming – 2750 yards

Jogging – 55 minute with mile “fast*” intervals

*HAH!

 

Day 6 – Can you DIG IT?!

Almost every year a spirited debate about the use of headphones (to listen to music or whatever) pops up on Slowtwitch.  What usually happens is that some intrepid triathlon noob shows up and innocently queries about headphone use during the run portion of the triathlon.  Said noob is usually a runner and in running competitions/events, except for like elite or collegiate type races -think 800m, headphone use is usually allowed.  In triathlon, headphone use is not allowed.  So the noob is usually confused. Makes sense, right?

Oh but each time such a question is posed, the thread erupts into a lively discussion about the pros and cons of wearing headphones during running, not during the running portion of the triathlon, no…during running.  Like on you own or in a group.  But like for training or recreationally.  Just, you know, jogging along, minding your own business.   Also, every fucking time, the same worn pros and cons are trotted it out.  Each argument is purely based the poster’s own preferences, of course, and they state their preference as such – you know, theirs.

But then come the assholes.  You know, the fledgling napoleons who think that their preference is the best preference and, thus, must be adhered to by all others in society.   So some examples –

  1. The hippies – “No one should ever listen to music while they run.  Every runner should be at one with nature.  Listen to the warbling of the tit, the rustle of that old weeping willow on Old Lady Fitchner’s lawn, the peeing of the fawns as they trample through your rosebushes.”
  2. Mr. Safety  – “You will, undoubtedly, get hit by a Mack truck if you run with headphones on.  Leave no doubt, your carcass – bones, blood, and bile – will be strewn across the blacktop for the carrion to light upon during their forays across the sky.”
  3. The philosophers – “You need, need, need to run without headphones, because you need to think deep thoughts about universe.  You need to feel at one with your body.  You need to listen to your steps, hear the blood as it rushes throughout your veins to nourish your body with GU and gatorade, and remember that one day, even your body will return to the Earth.”
  4. Officer KissmyAss – “Listening to music gives you an unfair advantage.  It helps your cadence. It makes you go faster.”

Well no shit Officer, that’s exactly why I like to listen to music when I jog.  But seriously, I’m so fucking slow that it doesn’t matter.  Seriously, please don’t shoot me. I know I’m brown, but calm the fuck down.

So anyways, I like to listen to three types of media when I jog – audiobooks, podcasts, and/or music.  What I listen to depends on how long my run is and where I am running.  For example, today I jogged on a treadmill for two fucking hours.  During those hours, you know what I “watched” on the gym’s t.v.?  CNN.  You know what headline, that old, esteemed laurel of television news was blasting?  “Source:Terrror Cells Activated”  Seriously, CNN? You suck suck huge ass donkey balls.  just HUGE.  More on that later.

Anyhow, because it was incredibly boring, I listened to music the whole time.   If  I had jogged outside, I would have listened to a book or podcast for one hour and then music for the second hour, because you know, negative split.  Here’s some of the music that’s on my play list –

–Statistics –

Workout

Jogging – 2 hours on treadmill

Swimming – 1600 yards

Food

Yeh…I’m thinking about what to do for this one.

Day 4 – I’m Just a Narcissitic Braggart With An Urge to Poo

To get a whopping 5% off my insurance premium, I have to get a physical.  I’m okay with this, because I love, love, love data about myself.  Seriously, I love knowing about my weight, cholesterol, blood pressure, resting heart rate, blood glucose levels, thyroid levels, fat percentages, neurotic tendencies, poop intensities, poop urges, you know, whatever.

My physical is scheduled for tomorrow.  But I have a concern. As a part of the physical, I get to talk to a registered dietician.   The problem is that I’m afraid that I’ll get in trouble because of the amount of butter I eat and the amount of beer I drink.  The beer thing I can handle, because it’s a vice I choose and do not apologize for.  The butter thing though….

Well my decision to forgo most vegetable oils, including margarine and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter,” was borne out of reading Gary Taube’s books,  reading Vinnie Tortorich’s book, and reading Denise Minger’s book.  Basically, the message is vegetable oils?  Probably not all that great for you.  And you know what? Butter tastes FUCKING AWESOME.  I fucking love butter.  More on that later.

So I think that, tomorrow, I’m just going to pay lip service to whatever the dietician says.  If I’m ornery enough, and I might be, since it’s morning, I’ll explain my reasoning.  Also am I trying to lose weight?  LOL! No Ms. Registered Dietician.  I have absolutely not time for that nonsense, plus it’s fucking boring.  I don’t like being bored. That’s why I have like a billion projects going on at the same time. Plus, I tried the weight loss thing once and it was really assinine and not intellectually or creatively stiminulating and I think that’s why a lot of uninteresting people harp on it so much.  Plus, if everybody just stopped eating so much sugar, ate more butter and eggs, exercised, and maybe, just maybe, smoked a few packs of  cigarettes a day, they’d all be svelte and we, as a society could move the fuck on.

–Statistics–

Food Diary (boring and last time! Yay! ‘Cause really? Who gives a flying fuck? Registered Dietician does.  That’s who.)

Breakfast – Almond butter sandwich (Ezekiel bread).  No sugars added on anything.

Lunch – Salad, same as yesterday. ( I like to eat the same thing every day.  It keeps things easy).

Dinner – Crockpot chicken and potatos

Drinks – Beer, water and Coffee

Workouts

Jogging!  64 minutes (6miles)

10k Step Challenge – 5533 steps (doh. fail.  I gotta figure out how to get in more walking during my day).

Day 3 – Salad for Breakfast, You Say?

Occasionally, I’ll eat a salad for breakfast.  This morning was one of those occasions.  Don’t be jealous!

–Statistics–

Food Diary (Boring shit)

Breakfast – 2 eggs liberally cooked in butter.  A cup and a half of salad (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, olives).  Doused salad with olive oil and red wine.  Eat with fork while driving to work.  Take that distracted driving concern nerds.

Lunch – The Big Salad.  Salad with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, olives, cheese, broccoli, and mushrooms.  Doused liberally with olive oil and a smidgen of red wine.

Late Dinner (too many errands) – Chicken Salad. Salad (see above) topped with chicken strips and parmesan cheese.

Drinks – water, coffee, beer.

Workouts

Swimming – 2200 continuous in 50 minutes.

Cycling – 27 minutes in zone 2 (Was supposed to be zone 3, but it’s hard for me to get my heart rate up with such a short workout.  Need to butch it out or something.)

10k Challenge – 6263 steps (Gah. Fail.)

Health

I have a headache and I’m I have some drainage.  Gah. No.

Day 2 – I try to walk 10,000 steps and fail

I have an awesome smartwatch.  It came with a pedometer app.  At first, I was like “suck it, pedometer app! You suck.  I work out enough.”   Slowly though, like a siren urging Odysseus off his ship, the silent, green judgment of the pedometer screen has been calling to me.

First, for some reason, it has my stats.  Now I swear, I don’t remember entering my stats, but it has them.  It knows, mysteriously somehow, that I’m a 30 something year old fat lady.  It must have been hacked by some nefarious do-gooder.

Second, and here’s the kicker, it gets mad if I don’t stand up and walk around after an hour.  It’s a really passive aggressive little fucker too.  It snoozes.  So I’m humming along through my day. Sitting on my ass. Typing and analyzing and being productive and then I look down and there, on my wrist, is the pedometer app.  And it’s proudly displaying the number of steps I’ve managed to trudge through so far – like 300 or so.  Shit, and it’s only noon!  But also, right above that large, glowing number, are z’s.  Just a lot of z’s, ’cause it’s snoozing.

See. Sleepy ol’ pedometer app.  I know though, somehow, that it wants me to wake it up.  It gives me coy nudges like that.  The damn thing is challenging me.

So I’ve decided to take the little fucker’s challenge. Yes, I’ve ripped off the cords tying my ass to my seat and have jumped into the cold water of the reality of walking around my office every hour like a moron.  I get up every hour and act all cool like I’m gonna go to the bathroom.  And I do.  I do go to the bathroom, because I usually drink a lot of water and I have to pee.  But also, I walk laps around the office.

My office has an open floor plan – no offices, no cubicles. People just sit there, pretending to work, but really, they’re staring at you.  So I try to walk with a purposeful gait, like I’m actually trying to accomplish something.  Maybe I’m going to a meeting.  Maybe I’m going to the bathroom.  Maybe I’d like some of that cake there.  You know that cake that you brought for Kim’s birthday.  The one with the cream cheese frosting.  That looks good.  Look’s like there’s some left over.  Yes, I’m purposeful for cake.  Hey, is that seat taken?

—Statistics–

Food – (Boring)

Anyhow, today I ate an almond butter sandwich for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and some salmon and a baked potato with copious amounts of butter and sour cream for dinner.  Also, I ate lots of cashews as a snack.

Work Out –

None.  I failed at hitting 10,000 steps because of cake or something. I forget.  Also we finally found that stupid mouse that has been tormenting me forever since November.  He’s dead now.  He was a stinky motherfucker.  So between cleaning that mess up and making dinner, I didn’t get to my workout today.  Here’s to the morning.

10k challenge – 8749 steps (Bummer)

Day 1 – Physical and Diet

This is the year I train to complete Ironman Cozumel.   I am incredibly excited and nervous.  Technically, I started preparing to train last summer.  In preparation, I’ve eliminated sugar from my diet, for the most part. Last June,  I got a full physical. Except for my heart rate and weight, my doctor was happy with my results.  His words to me were, “keep doing what you’re doing.”

Since I recently enrolled in my company’s insurance, I have another physical scheduled on Friday.  I’m getting the physical so that I can get a 5% discount on my family’s insurance.  However, I’m curious to compare my new results to the results I got 6 months ago.  In June, I weighed 180lbs and I still was just progressing off sugar.

Now I weigh 169lbs and I’ve limited my sugar intake a lot.  However, I’ve concurrently increased my fat intake.  So instead of eating cereal or a muffin for breakfast, I eat eggs or leftover meat and a salad.  Instead of eating a sandwich with potato chips for lunch, I usually eat a mixed greens salad with eggs, olives, assorted vegetables, cheese, and olive oil and red wine.  For dinner, I eat some sort of mean – chicken, beef, fish – and some sort of starch and/or salad or vegetables.  For snacks I eat lots of assorted nuts.  I also only drink three things, for the most part – water, coffee, and beer.  I’d like to know if my cholesterol numbers have increased since I eat so much fat now.  Or do I?

Eating this way has balanced out my blood sugar.  I don’t get “hangry” anymore.  I don’t get so hungry toward the evening that I can’t workout and can’t get filled up.  It’s a novel and happy feeling to be able to feel normal in the evenings even if I’m sort of hungry.  It’s also awesome to be able to jog a few miles without feeling famished during the run because I’ve run out of carbs or something.

Now, to be sure, I am not trying to lose weight.  I am, however, trying to reach my Ironman goal.  So this way of eating helps a lot.

I suck at blogging

Now I suck at a lot of things, but it seems I especially suck at keeping a regularly updated blog. The sad thing is that, as a result of an overindulgence in paint fumes and booze, I actually forgot the domain name of this blog for a day.  However, I aim to keep this journal.  I’m endeavoring to keep this fucker updated.

What’s happened so far

Since I last updated this blog, I’ve

  1. Won first place in my division at the Bridgeland Triathlon (Yay!), but I forgot to spend my 30 dollar gift certificate (Boo!)
  2. Suffered two set backs on my training.  First, I seem to have torn some scar tissue on my left foot during a run.  This was in the week after Bridgeland and I’m just now getting back into running.  Second, I had pretty crappy upper respiratory infection a couple of weeks ago.  So my training has basically been shit for the month of August.
  3. I have backed out of the Galveston 5150, because of my foot and lack of training.
  4. I have entered the Oktoberfest Triathlon and the Monster Mash 10k.  So that’s my October.
  5. I entered the Shiner Beer Run Half-Marathon.  This is the only thing I’m doing in November.
  6. I finished my Science-Fiction stairs!
  7. I finished re-doing my home office!
  8. I found out that my contract will not be renewed after April 2014, so I am looking for a new gig.
  9. Oh holy shit, my most favorite chair ever broke!  (More on this in another post).

What I did today

  1. Cycled for 52 minutes
  2. Jogged for 20 minutes
  3. Realized that only fat women are fat. Unfortunately, I am not a man.
  4. Realized that I while I generally suck at painting, I especially suck at painting outside facing doors in 90% humidity when it’s about to rain.

Legs are tired

I am on what my schedule calls a “Max Week.”  This means I have 3 two-a-days scheduled and, in all, I have to train for around 9 hours.  As of today I’m 3.59 hours into my training –

ImageI jogged for 43 minutes on Monday.  Yesterday I was out there slogging it away for 72 minutes.

This, however, does not tell the whole story, because, you see, I have a dog named Chase. ImageChase is a maniac.   On Tuesday, she was acting particularly crazy.  In the span of 15 minutes, as I was out getting a coffee, she managed to destroy a box of tissues and to barrel through the gate we have blocking the entrance to the second floor.  I came home to find her upstairs, terrorizing my sister’s cats.

The only option was for me to tucker her out.  So after spending an hour on my trainer, I took Chase for a 2 mile romp through the trail near our house. She had a good time, but I probably over taxed my foot a bit. My legs are sore too.   Also, I’m sort of weepy today.  That’s another story.