Almost every year a spirited debate about the use of headphones (to listen to music or whatever) pops up on Slowtwitch. What usually happens is that some intrepid triathlon noob shows up and innocently queries about headphone use during the run portion of the triathlon. Said noob is usually a runner and in running competitions/events, except for like elite or collegiate type races -think 800m, headphone use is usually allowed. In triathlon, headphone use is not allowed. So the noob is usually confused. Makes sense, right?
Oh but each time such a question is posed, the thread erupts into a lively discussion about the pros and cons of wearing headphones during running, not during the running portion of the triathlon, no…during running. Like on you own or in a group. But like for training or recreationally. Just, you know, jogging along, minding your own business. Also, every fucking time, the same worn pros and cons are trotted it out. Each argument is purely based the poster’s own preferences, of course, and they state their preference as such – you know, theirs.
But then come the assholes. You know, the fledgling napoleons who think that their preference is the best preference and, thus, must be adhered to by all others in society. So some examples –
- The hippies – “No one should ever listen to music while they run. Every runner should be at one with nature. Listen to the warbling of the tit, the rustle of that old weeping willow on Old Lady Fitchner’s lawn, the peeing of the fawns as they trample through your rosebushes.”
- Mr. Safety – “You will, undoubtedly, get hit by a Mack truck if you run with headphones on. Leave no doubt, your carcass – bones, blood, and bile – will be strewn across the blacktop for the carrion to light upon during their forays across the sky.”
- The philosophers – “You need, need, need to run without headphones, because you need to think deep thoughts about universe. You need to feel at one with your body. You need to listen to your steps, hear the blood as it rushes throughout your veins to nourish your body with GU and gatorade, and remember that one day, even your body will return to the Earth.”
- Officer KissmyAss – “Listening to music gives you an unfair advantage. It helps your cadence. It makes you go faster.”
Well no shit Officer, that’s exactly why I like to listen to music when I jog. But seriously, I’m so fucking slow that it doesn’t matter. Seriously, please don’t shoot me. I know I’m brown, but calm the fuck down.
So anyways, I like to listen to three types of media when I jog – audiobooks, podcasts, and/or music. What I listen to depends on how long my run is and where I am running. For example, today I jogged on a treadmill for two fucking hours. During those hours, you know what I “watched” on the gym’s t.v.? CNN. You know what headline, that old, esteemed laurel of television news was blasting? “Source:Terrror Cells Activated” Seriously, CNN? You suck suck huge ass donkey balls. just HUGE. More on that later.
Anyhow, because it was incredibly boring, I listened to music the whole time. If I had jogged outside, I would have listened to a book or podcast for one hour and then music for the second hour, because you know, negative split. Here’s some of the music that’s on my play list –
- California Love – Tupac (2pac?)
- Can you dig it? (The Warriors)
- Bang Bang – Ariane Grande
- Hey Man, Nice Shot – Filter
- Jane Says – Jane’s Addiction
- Award Tour – A Tribe Called Quest
Jogging – 2 hours on treadmill
Swimming – 1600 yards
Yeh…I’m thinking about what to do for this one.